Because of my papers this term I have to read a lot of feminist literature and literature about living conditions of women in past centuries. It makes me very angry and very sad. Sometimes my stomach starts to cramp when I read something really devastating. It is unbelievable how women were seen and treated in the recent past and it is always a shock to realise how many aspects have not changed yet. I am very surprised that women started to be systematically excluded of public life and forced into domestic space quite late in history. The image of the housewife and mother "only" looking after the household and family was created in the 18th century. Before the 18th century it was quite common for a woman to run her own little business or to travel as a nurse or a craftsperson. An important factor to rob women of the little power they owned was to rob them of their ability to decide whether to give birth or not. The witch-hunt throughout the Middle Ages up to the late 18th century is supposed to be one of the methods to prevent women from birth-control: mainly women who knew how to perform an abortion unwanted babies were chased and killed. By robbing women of the only instrument they possessed (i.e. their body) men ultimately could constituate their power. I moan a lot about the stress and all the work I have to do for my studies but reading all these stories makes you think differently. I am really grateful to be able to study the subjects I am interested in and to know that the people I love will support me in whatever I want to do with my life. I am so glad not to be forced to marry a man twice my age or be called a spinster because I 'm single at the age of 22 and being frowned upon because I love reading and learning.

I read a lovely post on a blog yesterday. The author wished to meet a man as romantically as it is happening in novels and films. She imagined bumping into some nice young man in the street, they both apologize, start chatting, have a coffee etc. That's a lovely image and I wish I would meet a man like this. My favourite image of meeting my future boyfriend is an encounter in the library. I would stroll between the shelves, not really paying attention and he would watch me secretly. Then, some day, we would meet, he would help me carrying my books or maybe we would bump into each other and we would have to collect all the books from the floor and our eyes would meet. I would be embarassed but he would like my smile (although I don't like it myself)and he would ask me out. I also found all these gifs of the lanterns scene in "Tangled" and fell in love all over again. I remember crying the first time I saw it and being amazed by so much beauty. You wouldn't expect it in a children's film. Every now and then I listen to "I See the Lights" and watch the scene but not too often because it always hurts a little.

ooooooh, so beautiful...

reading recommendation

I finished Thomas Wolfe's "Look Homeward, Angel". It took me ages to read because I also had my books for Uni to read etc. I loved the book although I couldn't sympathise with any character. I didn't like Eugene although I loved his approach to literature and poetry. The end was very beautiful, I loved the conversation between Eugene and Ben's ghost or whatever he was meant to be. It was scary and touching and beautiful and it almost made me cry. I'm not quite sure what to make out of this last conversation.

I began to read Jack Kerouac's "The Sea is my Brother" yesterday. I don't know what to make of it so far. I'm a little annoyed by Wesley, but I love the friendship between him and Everhart. It is the first of Kerouac's novels I read so I'm excited how I will like it.

I'm very stressed these days. I cry all the time and I don't know how to finish all the things I have to have done by the end of the month. It's really worrying me but I can't talk about it with anyone. I end up crying on the sofa while staring at my screen with my mind gone completely blank. I eat way too much chocolate and drink coffee and tea that is supposed to calm me down but it doesn't. Every time I think my life is finally going to work out, something comes the way and makes a mess of everything. Why can'teverything just be easy and fine? Sorry, I'm done with moaning now, I just wanted to tell someone, even if it's the void we call internet. Have some London to cheer you up:

headache day... oh, look, cupcakes!

Ugh, I'm quite sick. Sore throat, huge red nose, head spinning, probably a fever... :( Not feeling too well, but I have a very full day ahead of me. I'd love to curl up on the sofa, watch a nice film I have seen a thousand times before and go to sleep whenever I want. But the good news is: I made cupcakes and they are perfect. Thye're a friend's birthday cake so I'm very pleased.

These are not mine by the way but I couldn't take a picture myself.