me, sad.

I have this huge crush on a guy I met almost two months ago. I saw him briefly on Sunday and I knew he would be at a party on Monday. I was soooo looking forward to see him again. On Sunday night someone told me he wouldn't be coming to the party, and they were right. I was so disappointed and got helplessly drunk. It was a really aweful party. On Tuesday night I texted him, pretending to be a drunk friend of mine, only to text him the next day and 'apologise' for the drunken text. He didn't reply. Not a single word. Not even a smiley face. Nothing. Nothing.
It is only now that I realise that he never was interested in me. He didn't see me all the time I was staring at him and eating him up with my eyes.
There were times when I thought he was looking at me, or being nice to me, but apparently I was wrong. He never liked me.
I know it is my fault, because I was too stupid and shy to talk to him and to make him like me, but his complete silence hurts more than I am able to say. My friends ask about him and I play it cool, but that's only because I don't know how to express my shame and my anger and my sadness.
I feel awefully ugly and disgusting. I eat way too much and get angry when I see my horribly looking skin. I don't talk to my friends any more because I don't know what to say and I feel out of place and dull in every possible situation. I'm a horrible person.