concerning dating

It's pathetic how much I think about my crush. It's almost certain that I won't see him again and that he isn't interested in me because he thinks I'm weird, but I can't stop hoping. Something tells me that it is not completely ridiculous to imagine him and me being together. We share the same interest (which he doesn't know BECAUSE I WAS TOO FUCKING SHY TO TELL HIM ANYTHING ABOUT ME WHEN I HAD THE OPPORTUNITY AND NOW HE THINKS I'M A TOTAL LOSER WHOSE LIFE IS AS INTERESTING AS...THE MOST BORING THING YOU CAN IMAGINE!!!) Yesterday I went to the busstop I once saw him leaving the bus at and i walked around in the sunshine, pretending to go shopping but in fact I was looking out for him leaving a building or a bus. Of course he didn't and after a while I went home. Ugh. I have his mobile phone number because of work reasons but I can't think of any pretence to call him (of course I'm not brave enough to call him and simply ask if he fancies a coffee some time next week). I don't know why I am so awkward concerning dating. It's not even fear of being refused but I can't bear the thought of the guy refusinG me and then going to his friends and telling them. They would all laugh and be really surprised how such an unattractive, weird girl as I am dares to ask out a guy like him. That's the worst. Imaginig him laughing about me with his mates.

I had a lovely weekend and I'm still euphoric for some reason although I don't quite know, why. I saw my crush for the last time on sunday and I'm torn between grief and tears and some weird kind of happiness. I don't know why I am this happy, because it's definately clear that we won't be able to see each other again. I'm feeling some kind of hope, which is nice but also weird. I had to say goodbye to some people on sunday and I wanted to say godbye to HIM as well but I didn't see him again. I felt allright until I was waiting for the underground. While I was standing there I suddenly bursted out in tears and couldn't calm down. I cried during the whole way home and tried to ignore the weird looks people were giving me. My emotions are driving on a rollercoaster, otherwise I can't explain my strange behaviour. Am I on any drugs I don't know of?

- Jan Bogaerts 'Pink Roses in a Vase', 1913

Bwahahaaa! Poor John, but I love how matter-of-factly Sherlock breaks the news.

I love this painting. I bought at least ten postcards and posters of it over the years but it strikes me everytime again.

spring appreciation post

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? closed. 2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? sometimes. 3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? tucked in. 4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before? no. 5: Do you like to use post-it notes? yes. 6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? no. 7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? hmmm, swarm of bees? Slightly better chance to survive, I suppose. 8: Do you have freckles? yes, very few on my nose. 9: Do you always smile for pictures? yes, although I look awful on pictures anyway. 10: What is your biggest pet peeve? too many to name them all. But people unconsciously making soft noises with their mouths are on the very top. 11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk? no. 12: Have you ever peed in the woods? no. 13: What about pooped in the woods? no. 14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? yes. 15: Do you chew your pens and pencils? no. 16: How many people have you slept with this week? haha, you're funny! 17: What size is your bed? very small. I need a new one, but I can't bring myself to buy one. 18: What is your Song of the week? Hmmm, none in particular. 19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink? yes, of course. 20: Do you still watch cartoons? yes, when I'm really tired or sick. 21: Whats your least favorite movie? that's a hrad one...I can't think of one in particular, I'm afraid. 22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? In some really obvious place maybe. 23: If you're a girl, bra size? If you're a guy, pants size? Bra size: 75B. It's ridiculous, really. 24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in? sweet-sour (is it called like that?), peanut sauce. Mmmmmh!!! 25: What is your favorite food? everything with vegetables, ice cream. 26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love? almost all of the Disney movies, almost every period drama made by the BBC, 'You've Got Mail'. 27: Last person you kissed/kissed you? My ex-boyfriend, but that was 4 years ago :( 28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout? no. 29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? no. 30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? a letter to my sister a few months ago. 31: Can you change the oil on a car? no. 32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket? no *proud* 33: Ever ran out of gas? not me personally, but my mum once did when she picked me up from school. 34: Favorite kind of sandwich? hmmm, cheese? bacon is also good. 35: Best thing to eat for breakfast? porridge, anything sweet, fruit. 36: What is your usual bedtime? around midnight. 37: Are you lazy? I'm afraid, yes! 38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? I was a bat once which was pretty cool. We didn't really celebrate Halloween though, it's not usual where I come from. 39: What is your Chinese astrological sign? I'm not sure, but I think it's Horse. Or Rabbit? 40: Are you horny? not at the moment... 41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions? not any more. 42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs? legos. 43: Are you stubborn? yes. 44: Who is better...Leno or Letterman? none. 45: Ever watch soap operas? no. 46: Are you afraid of heights? no. 47: Do you sing in the car? yes. 48: Do you sing in the shower? sometimes. 49: Do you dance in the car? yes. 50: Ever used a gun? NO! I never will. 51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? A month ago...horrible! 52: Do you think musicals are cheesy? yes, very often. 53: Is Christmas stressful? No, it's brilliant. 54: Ever eat a pierogi? yes, my mum's Polish ;) 55: Favorite type of fruit pie? raspberry and apple. 56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Actress. 57: Do you believe in ghosts? no. 58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? yes. 59: Take a vitamin daily? no. 60: Wear slippers? yes, sometimes. 61: Wear a bath robe? yes. 62: What do you wear to bed? a comfy, large shirt or old jumpers and comfy trousers. 63: First concert? Dispatch in Hamburg 64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? none. 65: Nike or Adidas? Nike. 66: Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos. 67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Peanuts. 68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? no... 69: Ever take dance lessons? yes. 70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? no, but it should be something intellectually demanding (I'm such a snob, I'm sorry) 71: Can you curl your tongue? no. 72: Ever won a spelling bee? no. 73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy? hmm, I don't think so... 74: Own any record albums? no. 75: Own a record player? yes, well, my flatmates owns one. 76: Regularly burn incense? no. 77: Ever been in love? yes, but never happily. 78: Who would you like to see in concert? Adele, Katie Melua, Glen Hansard 79: What was the last concert you saw? Dispatch 80: Hot tea or cold tea? HOT tea! 81: Tea or coffee? tea. 82: Sugar or snickerdoodles? Sugar. 83: Can you swim well? yeah, pretty well. 84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? yes. 85: Are you patient? not in every situation. 86: DJ or band, at a wedding? band! 87: Ever won a contest? yes, two or three drawing contests in primary school. I won a sleeping bag and some books.:) 88: Ever have plastic surgery? no,hopefully not. 89: Which are better black or green olives? black olives. 90: Can you knit or crochet? no. 91: Best room for a fireplace? drawing room.So cozy! 92: Do you want to get married? yes. 93: If married, how long have you been married?- 94: Who was your HS crush? A blond guy in the year above me. He was a musical genius but a total twat. Which I realised far too late after he broke my heart for at least a hundred times... 95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? no. 96: Do you have kids? no. 97: Do you want kids? yes! 98: Whats your favorite color? hmmm, my opinion changes regularly but dark blue and green are in at the moment. 99: Do you miss anyone right now? yes: my sister, two friends of mine, the guy I have a crush on.

adooorable!

this little wave...*dead*

I love how she looks all lovely and perfect and then just holds the croissant with her mouth.

Last week I decided to become a different person. I went to the hairdresser's and got myself short hair again (it looks awesome, if I may say so myself :)), I wore bright red lipstick to work, I actually talked to my crush (unsuccessfully, he still doesn't care about me). I tried to feel better, but I wasn't very successful. My crush didn't notice my hairstyle, I'm still socially awkward, and I'm in a constant state of panic because my computer has crushed down and I can't finish my overdue work, my best friend has met ANOTHER guy she's very happy with and my skin gets worse and worse although I eat quite healthy and try to avoid chocolate. I'm sick of feeling angsty and nervous and uncomfortable in my own body. I'm sick of all the small catastrophes that happen to me ecery other day and I'm sick of not being able to tell anyone. I feel bad because I'm jealous of my friends happiness because of her new boyfriend. How can I be such a lousy friend?

I DEDUCE things, John.

cuteness overload!!!!

I need your help

For some reason I can't upload any pictures on my blog. Google always tells me to sign up new but then it shuts down entirely and doesn't let me do anything any more. Does anyone have an idea, why that is and how I can fix it? I would be sooo grateful for your help!!!!:) Please leave a comment!

I have this huge crush at a guy at work. Instead of talking to him or making him like me, I turn into the most stupid, apparently MUTE and brainless cow in this universe and hardly speak to him and avoid places where I could actually meet him. At home I feel awful all the time and dread spending time alone because I can't bear thinking about him. I have a very superstitious friend and she once told me that if you dream of something and remember this dream in the morning, it won't ever come true. Last night I dreamed that me and HIM became a couple. So congratulations to me.

I don't count

'A tribute to all things petite, pretty and sweet...' Lalala, I love to wake up with a song on my mind.

"Quiet people have the loudest minds." - Stephen Hawking

Places I' like to be at right now: London