concerning dating

It's pathetic how much I think about my crush. It's almost certain that I won't see him again and that he isn't interested in me because he thinks I'm weird, but I can't stop hoping. Something tells me that it is not completely ridiculous to imagine him and me being together. We share the same interest (which he doesn't know BECAUSE I WAS TOO FUCKING SHY TO TELL HIM ANYTHING ABOUT ME WHEN I HAD THE OPPORTUNITY AND NOW HE THINKS I'M A TOTAL LOSER WHOSE LIFE IS AS INTERESTING AS...THE MOST BORING THING YOU CAN IMAGINE!!!) Yesterday I went to the busstop I once saw him leaving the bus at and i walked around in the sunshine, pretending to go shopping but in fact I was looking out for him leaving a building or a bus. Of course he didn't and after a while I went home. Ugh. I have his mobile phone number because of work reasons but I can't think of any pretence to call him (of course I'm not brave enough to call him and simply ask if he fancies a coffee some time next week). I don't know why I am so awkward concerning dating. It's not even fear of being refused but I can't bear the thought of the guy refusinG me and then going to his friends and telling them. They would all laugh and be really surprised how such an unattractive, weird girl as I am dares to ask out a guy like him. That's the worst. Imaginig him laughing about me with his mates.